Why did the chicken cross the road?
Woody Allen:
I mean, it was, it was ... a legal chicken ... It wasn't like it was a blood relative or anything. (And don't believe anything that Mia says about me.)
What kills you
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Update your dictionary
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Two Morons
Two morons were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other nut, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Tough Wife
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"