Andy Rooney On . . .
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Andy Rooney On Prisoners:
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill to generate electricity. And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the generator.
All I Really Need To Know I Learned from Noah and the Ark
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Don't miss the boat.
Absurd Signage
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In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
ABC's of Aging
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A is for arthritis,
B is for bad back,
C is for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac?
A True Airline Story
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During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a woman) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned right on 'Delta'. Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right".