Financial Terms
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Curfew
Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock.
Microsoft Toast ®
During Bill Gates speech at COMDEX yesterday, he introduced a new product, to be unveiled at COMDEX today, called Microsoft Toast®. The media was given a pre-release demo and encouraged to try it out while preparing their breakfast this morning.
Here is one reporter's transcript of his morning:
If . . . Made Toasters
If IBM made toasters... They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
Creative Signs
In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."