70°
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
People in Canada go swimming in the Lakes.

60°
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
People in Canada plant gardens.

50°
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Canada sunbathe.

40°
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Canada drive with the windows down.

32°
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Superior's water gets thicker.

20°
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats.
People in Canada throw on a flannel shirt.

15°
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0°
People in Miami all die...
Canadians lick the flagpole.

-20°
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Canada get out their winter coats.

-40°
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Canada are selling cookies door to door.

-60°
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

-80°
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
People in Canada rent some videos.

-100°
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

-297°
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Canada complain about farmers with cold hands.

-460°
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
People in Canada start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

-500°
Hell freezes over.
The Leafs win the Stanley Cup