Signs that you may be Canadian

  1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
  2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
  3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
  4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
  5. You drink pop, not soda.
  6. This doesn't bother you at all.
  7. You know what it means to be on pogey.
  8. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
  9. You can drink legally while still a teen.
  10. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
  11. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba. It's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
  12. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
  13. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex, and don't want to know if he has!
  14. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
  15. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
  16. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
  17. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
  18. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
  19. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
  20. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
  21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
  22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".
  23. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
  24. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a frozen vegetable product line.
  25. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
  26. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
  27. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
  28. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
  29. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
  30. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
  31. You know what a toque is.
  32. You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
  33. You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
  34. You know Toronto is not a province.
  35. You never miss "Coaches Corner".
  36. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
  37. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including the inter stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
  38. You experience a warm fuzzy feeling while picturing a fat man with a blonde Mr. Spock haircut giving a recorder recital to an audience of two: an orange and purple sleepy-eyed giraffe with a voice like Lee Marvin and a pin headed hyper rooster who is made out of a flannel tea cosy and lives in a bag on the wall.
  39. You can easily get several people near you to wax nostalgic on this same image (#38).
  40. You know who Ernie Coombs is.
  41. You can still whistle the theme to "The Forest Rangers"
  42. Whenever you hear the word "car", you have to stop yourself from involuntarily reaching back for a hockey net.
  43. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".
  44. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast, Doctor", "You all know I canna read a word... (was that REALLY Sarah McLachlan in that one?)", and "Kanata".
  45. You participate in "Participaction". At least, until you fall down laughing when you think of how your hair is getting "sweat-EE and out-of-CONtrol".
  46. You spend sleepless nights wondering if Peter Mansbridge and Wendy Mesley will ever find again the blissful love they once knew.
  47. And if not, is she free next Friday?
  48. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
  49. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet, because you can really use more change. The new coin should have a picture of a musk-ox on it and be the size of a hamburger pattie and have fifteen different kinds of metals in it, including poutine.
  50. You know Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.
  51. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sew-on.
  52. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.
  53. You spend hours in the dark, making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the Diefenbaker government.
  54. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if The Devil's Advocates made fun of you.
  55. You use a red pen on your non Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
  56. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
  57. You remember "Jodie" from "Today's Special" and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC.
  58. You wonder idly if there is some government cover-up of a covert operation behind shifting the shooting location of "X-Files" from British Columbia to California, but you're far too apathetic to do anything about it anyway, though it was nice seeing some of the old "Beachcombers" cast getting some TV work now and then.
  59. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few weeks early.
  60. You read rather than scanned this list.
  61. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
  62. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  63. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  64. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
  65. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above the ground.
  66. You've taken your kids "trick-or-treating" in a blizzard.
  67. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  68. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
  69. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  70. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
  71. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  72. Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
  73. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
  74. You head south to go to your cottage.
  75. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
  76. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo; it's sausage making.
  77. You find -40C a little chilly.
  78. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
  79. You can play road hockey on skates.
  80. You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter and Construction
  81. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
  82. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
  83. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
  84. You know that when it's 25C degrees outside, it's a warm day.
  85. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan". (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)
  86. You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
  87. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than,"Huh?"
  88. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends!!!! and then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further