Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Tech: "What sort of trouble?"

Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Tech: "Went away?"

Customer: "They disappeared."

Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer: "Nothing."

Tech: "Nothing?"

Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Customer: "How do I tell?"

Tech: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"

Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Tech: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Customer: "What's a monitor?"

Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Customer: "I don't know."

Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Customer: "...Yes, I think so."

Tech: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Customer: "...Yes, it is."

Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Customer: "No."

Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Customer: "...Okay, here it is."

Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Customer: "I can't reach."

Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Customer: "No."

Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

Tech: "Dark?"

Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Customer: "I can't."

Tech: "No? Why not?"

Customer: "Because there's a power outage."

Tech: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."